


Always Running

by gay_nerd_3



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Barry Allen Needs a Hug, CSI Barry Allen, Central City Police Department, Depressed Barry Allen, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gay Barry Allen, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, suicidal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29462436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gay_nerd_3/pseuds/gay_nerd_3
Summary: Barry had spent his whole life running from something. So after waking up from a nine month coma and Barry finds out he can run at the speed of light he becomes the flash. Though eventually his old teenage thoughts come back. Maybe with the help of the ccpd, Joe, Iris, Oliver and team flash he may just make it through those thoughts again. He just has to find the courage to tell someone. He just needs to change his mindset to wanting and accepting the help.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Leonard Snart
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	1. It’s only the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning for suicide, self harm and language. 
> 
> Please reach out if your feel this way. 
> 
> Set in season 1. As much as I like Iris and Barry together in the show I also don't like that they're pretty much siblings. So they're gonna have a brother/sister relationship.
> 
> New chapter on Monday’s.

Barry was always running. Everyone knew that, in school it was from bullies. After his moms death it was from the man in yellow and still bullies. High school, it was his thoughts more than anything else.

Once he started working for the ccpd it was still his thoughts, not the same thoughts as before. He never told anyone. He knew Joe would try and get him into therapy, Barry had only just gotten out of that. So he kept it to himself.

After the coma, he found out he could run at the speed of light. He found it ironic that the superpower he got was super speed since he had always been running.

He wanted more than anything to tell Iris. He knew it was a bad idea for her to know. The less people who know the better. And she doesn't have to always worry that he's going to get hurt again.

Doctor Wells, Caitlin and Cisco didn't say anything about the scars on his wrists, arms and thighs after treating him. They acted like they weren't even there.

Which he was glad about.

He was currently in his lab. He was working normal speed on a case him, Joe and captain Singh had been working on for a few days.

"Hey Allen you finished that report yet?" Singh asked as he walked in the room.

_Shit. I knew I was forgetting something._

"Not yet. Sorry captain, I'm going over samples from the crime scene," Barry said as he stood up looking for the file David had given him earlier that day.

"This what you're looking for?" He asked, Barry turned around to see him pick up his coffee cup and then the folder that the coffee been sitting on top of.

"Yeah thanks. I'll get right on that, I'll bring it down as soon as I can."

Barry saw the look on the captains face when his sleeve rolled up a tiny bit as he took the folder back. Barry hoped he hadn't seen but by his next words he knew he had.

"Take your time Barry," he said, more friendly than usual before walking back out the room.

Barry sighed as he sat back down. He never calls him Barry. He opened the folder and begin the report. He flashed through it but left it on his desk before flashing through everything else he had to do.

Once all that was done he picked the folder up and walked out the room. He got a few "hey Barry," from a few officers when he walked past them.

He mostly ignored them and just carried on to the captains office. He knocked before opening the door.

"Allen, you finished?"

"Yeah," he said shyly hoping he'd forgotten about earlier as he handed the file over.

"Thank you," he said looking over it quickly as Barry went to open the door. "Not so fast Barry. I want to talk, sit down."

Barry done what he was told, knowing to the officers outside it wouldn't look good. He never really sat down and spoke to the captain.

"What's going on?"

"Just wanted to ask if your alright. I saw the scars on your wrist."

"That's nothing don't worry about it.."

"I know what that is. That's not nothing," the captain interrupted, he sounded worried.

"I've not done it in years, not since I was in collage."

"It's still serious Barry, we have someone here that you can talk to whenever you know that. If you need to talk about that or anything else that's affecting you mentally you go talk to her alright? She won't tell me what you've said just that you've spoken to her."

"Thank you, but I'm fine."

"Alright Allen," David sighed.

_He doesn't believe me._

"You can head out early as long as you've finished your work for today."

"Thank you captain."

Barry stood up and walked out the room. He didn't say anything as he walked back up the stairs. He got his bag which had his flash suit in and walked back down the stairs towards the elevator.

He made it out and to Star Labs before beginning to get changed.

"Your early," Cisco said as he looked up from the monitor where he had been watching a movie and eating twizzlers.

"Singh let me go early," he said as he took his shirt off.

That had been the only time he noticed a slight look from one of the three about the scars on his wrists or upper arms. Causing him to finish changing using his speed.

"Anything happening?" He asked as Cisco stopped his movie.

"There's a suicide attempt currently at the top of a building," Cisco said, Barry heard the uncertainty in his voice like he wasn't sure it was a good idea for Barry to go.

"Alright give me directions."

Barry followed Cisco's instructions, by the time he got there police and paramedics were already there. He ran up to the top and turned his coms off.

"Hey, what's your name?" Barry asked softly not wanting to startle him.

"Holy shit your the flash?" He sounded slightly happy, but it didn't last. "You could be out there saving people who deserve it, just leave me."

"I'm not gonna do that, you deserve to be saved."

"This is the only way."

"I've thought the same thing before, trust me it isn't. It gets better, this isn't the answer."

"I'm sorry flash, but this time it is."

"No," Barry said quietly as he tried to catch him.

But Barry couldn't move. He couldn't do anything. He was frozen.

All he could do was watch as the man lent forward.

By the time he could move, the man was dead.

* * *

  
Over the next couple weeks his thoughts got worse again. He didn't go to work, which resulted in a lot of phone calls from Singh and Joe which went unanswered as he lay in his bed.

So did the knock at his door about two hours after his shift started.

Though he heard his door began to unlock and he began regretting not putting the chain on last his.

"Barr? You here?" He heard joe shout.

He stayed quiet and just sighed. He knew he could flash out the house before he would notice him. But he didn't see any point in that.

"Barr?" He shouted again before opening his bedroom door. "Barry. You okay?"

He stayed quiet as his foster father walked over and crouched down next to his bed.

"What's wrong?"

"Just tired," he said with no emotion in his voice.

"What's going on?"

Barry felt bad, he didn't like worrying Joe, so he decided to lie. Like usual.

"I'm fine, I just didn't get a lot of sleep. I only just woke up when I heard the door open."

"As long as your sure that's it, come on and get ready. You missed a meeting."

"Okay," he sighed, he watched as Joe took some clothes out his closet and put them on the end of his bed.

"I'll made you something for breakfast while you get ready," Joe said before walking out the room.

Barry reluctantly got up and out of bed. He considered having a shower. But he didn't he took his pyjamas off and quickly dressed in the jeans Joe picked out. He put the shirt on the floor and picked up a star labs sweater.

He tried to ignore the scars as he pulled the sweater over his head. The urge to made more became stronger than it had been in years.

He walked out his room and into his kitchen. He picked up one of Cisco's calorie bars and got his shoes on.

"You not having anything else?"

"Nah one of Cisco's bars will be enough."

"Alright," Joe sighed as he picked his car keys of the counter where he threw them and followed him out the door.

"How did you get in? I don't remember giving you a key."

"I spoke to your landlord, said I was worried about you so he unlocked the door for me."

"Can I just run there?"

"I told Singh I'd bring you in."

Barry just sighed as got in the passenger seat and looked out the window as Joe began driving. He wanted to run, he wanted to be alone.

* * *

Once he got to work he went straight to Singh's office. He closed the door behind him and sat down.

"What's going on Barry? You said you were fine but the way your acting, your worrying everyone."

"I'm fine, really. No one needs to worry."

"Multiple officers have come to me saying their worried, that your acting different. Your presenting differently, your work and yourself."

"I really am fine, I'm just not sleeping too good. I'm sorry I'll do better."

"No no." Singh stood up, walked around his desk and lent against the front. "That's not what I'm trying to say Barry. All I'm requesting is that you talk to Doctor Edwards. Or you take a few weeks off."

"You want to get rid of me?"

"No. Not at all, you the best csi I've met. I just want to make sure your not pushing yourself."

Barry didn't want to see another shrink, but he didn't want to take time off work even more.

"I'll go see her. I guess. Just don't tell Joe, please."

"I won't.."

"Thank you."

"But I think you should," Singh continued.

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"I've already put him through so much crap. I can't keep doing that."

"I'm not going to tell you what to do about that, I think you should tell him. But it's your decision. I'll let you go now, go see Dr Edwards about getting an appointment then get to work."

"Alright," Barry said as he stood up.

"And Barry," he said causing him to stop at the door. "You can talk to me if you need someone."

"Thank you."

"That's alright."

Barry gave him a slight smile before leaving the room. He got a few worried looks from a couple officers on his way out. He was just glad the psychiatrist office was on the same floor as his lab.

After walking up the stairs he walked in the opposite direction than his lab. He knocked on her door waiting for an answer before walking in.

"Barry, how are you?" She asked, joy in her voice and giving him a smile.

"Singh said I should see you," he said quietly, she motioned for him to sit in the seat across from her.

"Why does he think that?"

Barry wasn't sure he wanted to talk, he didn't like talking. He didn't like shrinks.

"You can trust me Barry, everything is confidential unless I think your a threat to yourself."

"I guess that makes sense. He uhh..he said I've been acting different."

"Okay. I don't think that's everything but it’s a good start," she said as she opened her notebook.

He watched as she wrote his name at the top of the page.

"He...he found out the other day that I..that I used to uhh.." Barry sighed and stood up. "You know what it doesn't matter. I'll just take the time off."

"Barry wait!" She shouted as she stood up.  
  


But it was too late. He was already on his way downstairs walking towards David's office.


	2. Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not Monday but finished this chapter earlier than I thought.

**Trigger Warning.**

* * *

  
Barry had been going between his apartment and starlabs since he told captain Singh he was going to take the two weeks off. Who didn't seem to want him to.

The only people he was seeing was Cisco, Caitlin and Dr Wells. They didn't question why he wasn't at work. He would avoid star labs around when Joe had his lunch break and when he finished work.

He ignored his phone calls along with Iris's he made sure to keep the chain on his door so not even his landlord could get in. Though they didn't try going there.

Barry flashed out his suit, back into his sweatpants. He has been missing work, missing seeing everyone, missing his lab.

Most of all missing Joe and Iris. But they would ask too many questions. Team flash, as Cisco called them, didn't ask any.

He was sitting with Caitlin who was running tests on him, she was currently taking bloods. That was when Joe walked in.

"Barry?" He called, Barry knew he wasn't sure if he was going to be here again.

"In here," Barry sighed as he quickly pulled his sweater on.

He was sure Joe saw when he was in his coma but he hadn't said anything about it so far. He didn't want to give him any reason to say anything now.

"Barry."

Joe breathed heavily, he sounded relived. He sat on the bed next to Barry as Caitlin walked out the room leaving the two to talk.

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I didn't know what to say."

"I asked Singh why you took time off, he said you didn't want me to know. What's going on, Barr?"

"It's nothing, don't worry about it," Barry lied as he pulled the sleeves over his hands.

"Is it about that?" Joe asked watching his sons hands.

"W..what?"

"I never knew how to bring it up, found out when you were in the coma. You could never lie or hide anything from me even you were younger, I don't know how I never noticed."

"It's not your fault. But y..yeah it kinda is that."

"Okay," he said letting out a shaky breath.

_He doesn't know how to help._

"I'm kinda tired, I was about to head home."

"You can stay at mine? Now Iris is gone it's quite."

"You always said you couldn't wait for us to both move out, that it was going to be so peaceful," Barry said with a smile. One Joe hasn't see in a while.

"Just because I said that doesn't mean I don't miss my kids being home, I can even ask Iris if she wants to come over for dinner."

"That actually sounds nice."

"Alright then, I'll call her once we're home," he said before pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that you couldn't talk to me."

"I put you through enough, I didn't want to put you through anymore."

"I wish you had," he sighed before kissing the top of Barry's head. "I love you Barr."

"Love you too."

* * *

Joe cooked dinner while Barry set the table. Iris was running late but promised to be there as quickly as she could.

"How're you doing?" Joe asked as he put a plate of food in front of him.

He opened his mouth to say something when the door opened. Iris walked in and closed the door behind her, Barry to stand up once she noticed him.

"Barry," she said as she threw herself into his arms. "I've missed you, I feel like I've not seen you in forever."

"It really does," he said before reluctantly pulling out of her hug causing Joe to hug her.

Their hug was much shorter then his and Iris's.

"You okay? Dad said you weren't doing too good."

"I..I'm fine," he said giving her his usual fake smile. The one that Joe never believed.

He watched as Iris looked to her dad like she was doubting that he was telling the truth. He began feeling uncomfortable, he felt the panic begin to rise.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," he said said quickly before walking out the room and up the stairs.

He heard them talking but he didn't listen. He just locked the bathroom door, rolled his sleeves up and splashed water on his face. He sighed as his gripped each side of the sink.

He'd never panicked around Joe and Iris before, never felt like this around them. He tried to control his breathing. Which was harder than he remembered. He hadn't had a panic attack in a while.

He looked up into the mirror if the medicine cabinet in front of him. He wondered if there was a spare blade in there. He hated that his mind was back there. But what he hated more was that he opened the door to look.

And he found one.

He sat in the edge of the bath and held it to his wrist. He hadn't cut since collage. But the urge was to strong to not do it.

He had been focusing on the pain, the blood, that he didn't think about his breathing. It helped him through his panic attack.

Barry knew they would heal quickly but the scars wouldn't. They would stay and make it obvious to Caitlin that he'd done it again.

This made him began to panic all over again.

He didn't want to talk about this with her, he didn't want her knowing. He planned to just not take his shirt off for a while. He figured he could do that.

"Barr, foods getting cold," Joe shouted up the stairs.

Causing Barry to quickly hid the blade in his pocket and rinse his arm under the water. He pulled his sleeves back down and unlocked the door.

"You took your time," Iris said, looking slightly worried, Barry knew what they'd talked about while he was gone.

"Sorry," he said as he sat down and picked up his fork.

"So when are you going back to work?" Iris asked, she knew how much he liked work and how much he must be missing it.

"Maybe next week, Singh wants to talk to me on Friday first."

"I can drive you in if you want?"

"Thanks, Joe," Barry said awkwardly with a small smile.

Barry was quiet after that, he'd answer if he was spoken to only with a couple words.

After dinner Iris stayed for a little longer. While Joe cleaned up she brought Barry out the front and sat him down on the steps with her.

"Thanks for coming over, this was nice," Barry said causing Iris to smile.

"It was nice. Dads worried, you know we're both always going to be here for you Barry. No matter what."

"I know. Thank you."

Iris pulled Barry into a side hug just before a car parked in front of the house. It was Eddie.

"I know you don't like asking for help, or therapists but maybe try talking to the one at ccpd again it might help," Iris said as she pulled out the hug and Eddie got out the car.

"Yeah I'll try," he said giving her a small smile.

"Hey Barry, not seen you in a while," Eddie said as he stopped in front of them.

"I had to use some of my holiday weeks up or I'd lose them," Barry lied not wanting him to know.

"That makes sense," he said as Iris stood up. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah see you later. And Iris I might text you later."

"Alright, tell dad I said bye," she said as Barry stood up giving him another quick hug.

"I will," Barry said waiting for them to drive away before walking back inside. "Eddie just picked Iris up."

Joe walked out the kitchen while drying his hands while Barry sat on the couch. "You okay?"

"Yeah, it uhh..it was nice seeing her. And you."

"You at star labs tomorrow?"

"Yeah, just because Barry get a break doesn't mean the flash does too," he said as Joe put the towel on the table and sat next to him.

  
"The flash has done so much for this city, I don't think anyone would mind if he took a break just for one day."

"I'll think about it." 

"Good, you wanna stay tonight?"

"Uhh..yeah okay. Is that alright?"

"Course it is," Joe said with a smile before putting the tv on.

* * *

After Joe went to work Barry ran to star labs. The usual three were already there, Caitlin walked out into the cortex.

"Mind if I finish taking your blood from yesterday?"

"I've not been running enough for you to take them yet have I?" Barry asked, panicking slightly.

"He's right Caitlin, he needs to run more," Cisco said from behind the monitors.

"Alright, anything happening that Barry could help with?"

"Nothing's happening right now. He could take a couple laps of the city?"

"I'm still a little tired, I didn't sleep too good last night. I'll just wait for something to come up," Barry said, Harrison began looking at him suspiciously.

"You sure your alright Barry?" Harrison asked causing the three to pay attention to him.

That no one noticed Oliver Queen walking in the door. Though Barry did.

"Oli! Hey," Barry said loudly, moving everyone's attention to Oliver instead of him.

"Hey Barry," he said with a smile. "Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah."

Barry was thankful to be out if that situation. He walked out of the cortex with Oliver and towards the elevator.

"You looked like you wanted out of there," Oliver said once the elevator doors closed.

"Yeah thanks. Not that it's good to see you but why are you here?"

"Joe called, said you weren't doing too good."

Barry sighed quietly before looking at the ground. The doors soon opened, Barry was the first out.

"I'm fine Oliver," he said as he walked towards the main doors.

"Joe said you'd say that," he said with a smile.

Barry walked towards the bike he knew belonged to Oliver.

"I really am fine."

"Alright, well I'm in town for about a week,"he said as he put his helmet on and at on the bike. "Call me if your ready to talk."

"I will."

Barry watched as Oliver drove out the parking lot. He considered going back up to star labs but decided against it and went for a run.


	3. Finding out

Barry walked into ccpd with Joe, though once they got off the elevator they were met with most officers lined up.

"What's going on?" Joe asked the officer in front of them.

"They want to know if there's any meta's working for us. This is insane, there's no way one of those freaks works here. I wouldn't allow it."

"What happens if someone is a meta?" Barry asked, scared that he might lose his job.

"Singh says they can't fire anyone who is a meta, apparently that's discrimination. I don't agree those freaks are unnatural."

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," Barry told Joe quietly.

Though once he got to the bathroom he checked no one was there before flashing out and towards star labs. Most of the papers flew around the room once he got into the cortex.

"Dude, I only just got all that back in the right order from last time," Cisco sighed.

"Sorry. You gotta get a paperweight or something."

"Or you could stop running once you get to the hall? Why are you here anyway I thought you had a meeting with Singh."

"Yeah I do but their doing meta tests. They can't find out."

"Shit. Maybe there's a way we can trick your dna to say your not a meta? Or trick the test?"

"You can't," Harrison Wells said as he wheeled into the room.

"We can at least try, maybe we can fin..."

"I've already tried. I knew this day would come, that one day they would want to know who the people they work for really are. Just didn't think it'd be so soon."

"So I have to get outed at work?"

"Outed as a meta, no one says you have to tell them what your powers are Barry," Cisco said as he stopped typing. "You always said you were never ashamed of being a meta. You just didn't want the world knowing you were the flash."

"So you think I should do it?"

"I think that's up to you Barry," Harrison said. "We can't make that choice for you."

"Wait is there even a way you can get out of it?"

"I..I don't know. Probably not," Barry said as he pulled his sleeves over his hands and started fidgeting with the cuffs of his sleeves which Harrison noticed.

"Sounds like your gonna have to," Cisco said once again looking at the monitor trying to find a way for Barry to not be outed.

"I can't take too long, they'll think something’s up."

"Whatever you do Barry, good luck," Cisco said just as Barry was about to flash out the room again.

Barry just gave the two a smile before walking into the hall and flashing away.

He went into the bathrooms again and washed his hands before walking out the door. He walked up to Joe who only had a few people behind him.

"Didn't think you'd be coming back."

"There's nothing they can do," Barry whispered as the man in front sat down in front of the doctor who was doing the tests. "They're gonna have to find out."

"Im sorry Barr."

"Like Cisco said, I didn't have to tell them my powers or anything. They just want to know who's a meta and who's not."

"You sure?"

"I can't get out of this can I?"

"Probably not," Joe said as he got called up next. "Good luck Barr."

Barry gave him a small smile before Joe took a seat. He felt himself begin to panic knowing he was next, knowing everyone would know.

Joe soon stood up and Barry was called to sit down. He felt his breathing speed up slightly as he walked forward. He took a seat but didn't do anything after.

"Name and department?" One of the medics asked. 

"Barry Allen. CSI," his voice was shaking.

"Can I get your hand?"

Barry reluctantly held his hand out to the woman. He watched as she pricked the end of his finger and let the drop of blood drip into a machine he knew Cisco probably made. Due to the star labs logo on the side.

It soon beeped twice. Causing everyone in the room to look at him.

"Okay you can go," she said writing his name on a different list to everyone else.

Barry walked towards Joe who was now talking to Eddie. He felt almost everyone's eye on him.

"Hey Barry," Eddie said with his usual smile, obviously not caring that he was a meta. "I though you weren't coming back until Monday?"

"Singh wanted to talk to me."

Barry watched as the officer who was in front of him and Joe to get tested walked towards him. He felt his heart began beating faster. Scared of what was about to happen.

"Freak," he said as he pushed past Barry.

"Hey! Don't talk to my son!" Joe spat as Singh walked out his office.

"What's going on here?"

"He's calling Barry a freak," Eddie explained as the officer came back into the room.

"He's a meta."

Barry saw the look he got from Singh before he looked back to the officer.

"Does it really matter? He's still the same kid you worried about when he was in a coma. Same kid everyone here cares about."

"Whatever," he said under his breath as he walked back out the room.

"Come in," he told Barry as he walked back into his office.Barry walked in and closed the door behind him. He sat in the seat across from the captain.

"So your a meta-human?"

"Umm..yeah. I am."

"When I was told I had to test everyone here, that I had to know who my officers were. I told them none of you were metas," he said letting out a breath. "It's how you survived your coma isn't it?"

"I should've died that night. The only reason I didn't was..because.." He paused. He didn't want Singh to ask about his powers.

"Because of your powers?"

Barry just nodded.

"You don't have to tell me what they are. All I need to know is that your not going to hurt anyone."

"Of course I wouldn't."

"I know. Anyway, let's get started on why your actually here. How are you?"

"Uhh, I'm good," Barry said after a small pause.

"Don't lie about this."

"I miss work. I feel like things have got worse since I've not been here."

"Okay, I can't let you come back if things are going to be the same. If your going to be late everyday, not finish your work or help out with the case. As much as I want to let you come back and give you this distraction. I have to think about all the cases that won't be solved because your not in a good head space to do your job."

"Yeah I..I'll get the work done and I'll work on not being late."

"Alright. How do you feel about staying for half the day today and see how it goes?"

"That would be great. Thank you captain," Barry said with a smile.

Barry got to work on the case Singh asked him to work on until lunch.

* * *

"Hey Barry," a familiar voice said at the door, Felicity.

He looked up, he saw her and Oliver standing there.

"Felicity? What are you doing here?" Barry said as he stood up while she walked over to him and pulled him into a hug.

"Me and Dig came too."

"We wanted to know if you wanted to go to lunch with us," Oliver asked as Felicity let go of Barry.

"Or just Oliver. I can go help at star labs. With Diggle," Felicity offered, Barry knew that's what Oliver wanted but knew Barry would want to see her.

"Uhh yeah okay. I mean unless you want to come too, Felicity."

"I see him all the time. And we can catch up later," she said giving him a smile.

"You want big belly burger?"

"That sounds good to me."

"I'm gonna get going and I'll meet you there," Oliver said as a smile as he began to walk out the door. "If I somehow get there before you I'll order what you usually get."

Barry watched as Oliver walked out the door, his eyes stayed there while Felicity's turned to him.

"You still wanna date him," she said with a smile and a short laugh.Barry quickly looked back to her.

"Shut up," he said as he he walked round his desk putting a few things away and tidying his desk as well as a few files. Including the one Singh gave him to finish.

"Your acting like a teenage girl."

"Am not," Barry said before hearing what she meant. Realising he sounded like Iris when they were fifteen. "Okay maybe I am. But that's not the point."Felicity just smiled and sat in his seat.

"Oliver's worried about you."

"He shouldn't worry. I'm fine."

"Oliver doesn't usually worry, Barry. You know that."

Barry didn't know what to say, he was just glad that Singh walked in when he did.

"Allen, how did you get on?" He asked as he walked into the room. Ignoring Felicity at first. 

"Good, i was just about to bring it down to you," Barry said as he took the file off his desk and handed it to the captain. 

Barry watched as he flicked through it quickly, "this looks good so far, you done good. See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," Barry said with a smile. 

"Have a good rest of your day," he said looking at Felicity.

"Oh we're not together. Barry's going out with my boyfriend. Not going out like dating, that would be weird. Not that polyamory is weird it's just not our thing. I mean I don't think so, I..it's not mine at least. I don't know abou.."

"Felicity," Barry interrupted, knowing if he didn't they'd probably be there for a while. 

"Sorry," felicity said looking between the two, though Singh looked slightly confused. 

"Sorry. I'm going to meet her boyfriend for lunch," Barry explained.

"Ahh okay. Well I hope you have a good time," Singh said as he made his way back to the doors. "And it was nice to meet you."

"I hope you have a good time with Oliver too," Felicity said as she stood up. 

"You want me to bring you to star labs in my way? I'm trying to be nice and give him a head start." 

"Yeah sure."

Barry took his bag with his suit in before picking Felicity up and flashing towards star labs.

He dropped her off in the hall outside the cortex before leaving, running towards big belly burger. 


	4. Coming out

Barry walked into big belly burger, he didn't see Oliver. He ordered for them both before finding a table. He stuffed his bag under before sitting down.

Oliver walked in about five minutes later. He gave Barry a small smile as he walked over and sat in front of him.

"I did try and let you win," Barry said with a smile. "Seriously what took you so long?"

"I have enough speeding tickets in starling city, I don't need more from your city too."

Barry just smiled, Felicity's words ran through his mind. _You still want to date him._

_Shit I do._

Barry dropped his smile. The one that showed up whenever he saw Oliver. Whenever he spoke to him.

"You okay?" Oliver asked, he sounded worried.

"Yeah," he said with a fake smile looking quickly between him and the table.

"You know I can tell when you lie to me right? I'm not gonna make you tell me anything but you can," Oliver said as a man walked over, placing their food on the table.

"Thank you," Barry said quietly though the man heard and gave him a small smile before walking away.

"Can't believe you remember what I get," Oliver said with a smile, a smile Barry loved but hated at the same time.

A smile that made him smile. Made him like him even more.

"Yeah, course I did," Barry said awkwardly looking down at his fries.

"You know Thea once told me that I had too many secrets, that I needed to let someone in," Oliver started saying as Barry began eating his fries. "She was right. And I think that's right for you too. You need to let someone in, Barry it doesn't have to be me, but it needs to be someone. So many people care about you and none of them want to lose you."

"I don't know how to, it's always just been me you know. I didn't tell anyone, everyone thought I was a really happy kid despite everything I'd been through."

"You know you can't live like that forever Barry, eventually it _will_ kill you."

"I know you're right Oliver. I'm just..not good at letting people in," Barry said as he pushed his fries to the side. "Joe..is pretty much my dad and there's something I can't even tell him. It's nothing bad and it's not like he'd hate me for it. I just..can't say the words."

"You can practice with me? If you want to. Pretend I'm Joe, practice what you could say to him."

"I don't know."

"That's okay. You've got time it's not like..."

"I'm gay," Barry interrupted.

"What?"

"I'm..I'm gay."

"Okay," Oliver said with a smile. "I know you want to tell him Barry, but you don't have to come out to anyone if you're not ready."

"I know, it's just he doesn't really know me. But what if I'm wrong and he does hate me?"

"He doesn't seem like the type to hate you, especially for that. He just wants you to be happy. It was easier for you to tell me because you've not known me as long as him right?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Why don't you try telling Cisco and Caitlin first? It might make it easier when it comes time to tell Joe."

"Yeah maybe. That’s a good idea I guess."

Oliver pushed Barry's fries back over to him. "You need to eat."

"Thanks," Barry said with a smile.

* * *

  
Barry waited outside Star labs for Oliver to drive into the parking lot. He took a few laps when he got bored or cold.

Oliver soon drove in after Barry’s seventh lap. He walked over to where Oliver parked.

"Hey," Barry said as Oliver took his helmet off.

"I thought you were joking when you said you'd wait for me," he said with a smile as he began walking with Barry towards the main doors.

"No way can I face them by myself," he said as he held the door open for Oliver. "I know I have before but this time..it's different."

"You'll be fine."

Barry didn't say anything in the elevator and the two walked in silence towards the cortex. Where Joe, Cisco, Caitlin, Wells, Diggle and Felicity were.

Barry looked to Oliver then to Joe again.

"You two took your time," Diggle joked, causing Barry to panic before looking at Felicity.

"He's joking. Joe got worried because he couldn't reach you Barry," Felicity started. "Then none of us could reach either of you we all got worried."

"Well we're fine, we were talking we weren’t on our phones," Oliver said, he was about to keep talking when alarms started going off.

"What's happening?" Barry asked Cisco who was sitting in front of the monitors.

"A bank robbery, they set off the silent alarm. By the time the cops get there they'll be gone."

"Wanna come with?" Barry asked Oliver as he took his suit out his bag.

"Nah you've got this one Barry."

Barry just smiled before flashing into his suit and leaning towards the bank. He decided he'd tell the team another day.

Barry soon got there, he scanned the area like Oliver taught him to. There was a man at the main doors, while the other two were in the vault.

Barry knocked the man who was at the doors out before making his way to where the money was. Though they were waiting for him, as soon as he walked in he felt pain in his shoulder.

Pain which soon turned to burning.

He heard someone shouting at the boy who shot him.

Though Barry ignored it and flashed around the room knocking them out. He heard the sirens once he'd moved them all nearer the front door, after he'd put all the money back.

"Flash, thank you. We would've lost a lot of money if it wasn't for you," Singh said as Barry walked out the main doors.

"No problem Captain," he said vibrating his voice before flashing back to star labs.

Though as soon as he ran into the cortex he almost passed out. He faintly heard Caitlin ordering Oliver to get him on a bed and ask Diggle to help her with Barry.

* * *

Barry woke up mostly to silence, he heard someone next to him. Though he wasn't sure who they were or what they were doing.

He slowly opened his eyes, he already knew where he was. Once his eyes had adjusted which didn't take too long, he looked to his left to see Caitlin changing his iv.

"Hi," he croaked.

"Hey," she said giving him a quick smile before finishing what she was doing. "You should've told us you got shot."

"Thought it'd be obvious," his voice broke, he knew he hadn't been asleep long but his throat was still dry.

"Hold on," she said before walking out the door, she came back a few minutes later with a bottle of water, she waiting for him sit up before handing him the bottle.

"Thanks."

Barry felt uncomfortable sitting there with the blanket over his legs but his stomach and arms completely exposed. He knew she knew about the new scars. Though she hadn't said anything, hadn't even looked.

"You had a small surgery to get the bullet out, Oliver, Dig and Felicity brought Joe out for a coffee run. He wasn't doing good," she said as she sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry," he said as he put his bottle down and tucked his arms under the blanket, which she payed attention to.

"What for?"

"For not telling you I got shot before I got here."

"It's okay Barry, just..try not to get shot next time."

"Yeah because I wanted to get shot," he joked though his smile didn't last long.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just..I'm just tired."

"You sure that's it?" She asked after looking down at his blanket quickly.

"You don't have to pretend you didn't see." Barry didn't know where the anger came from, though he remembered when he was younger his sadness was often shown as anger.

"Okay. Do you want to talk about it?" She asked calmly.

Barry just shook his head. He'd never spoken to anyone about it before. He didn't know how to.

"That's fine, if you ever change your mind I'm here."

"Thanks," Barry said, his voice was quieter than he meant it to be.

Caitlin gave him a small smile before standing up. "I want to do a couple tests before I decide if your going home tonight, I'll get you a sweater."

Caitlin just picked up the sweater that was already in the room and threw that to him. He waited until she was out the door before he got up.

"Hey dude, I heard you were awake," Cisco said while walking in the room as Barry pulled the sweater over his head.

"Hey," he said giving him a smile while pulling the sleeves back over his hands and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You got blood on another one if my suits," he said with a smile as he sat down next to him.

"What happened to it being our suit?"

"I’m thinking about reconsidering. Since there’s now a hole in it."

Barry just laughed, he knew Cisco was joking. The smile on his face while he was talking gave it away.

"So how are you feeling?" Cisco asked, becoming serious but still nudging his knee with his own.

"I'm okay."

"You know most people who have just been shot don't usually say that."

"I'm not most people."

"No your not. So how did work go? Joe said that you took the test."

"Everyone knows, that I'm a meta. But they can't find out that I'm the flash."

"Did anything happen? You know, anyone say anything?"

"One guy called me a freak, but that's all. Most people were fine about it."

"Well that sucks. But I'm pretty sure everyone there loves you man, being a meta isn't going to change that. Maybe for that guy but he doesn't matter."

"Yeah maybe," he said giving Cisco a smile. "Hey..I uhh..I need to tell you something."

"Okay."

Barry looked away from his best friend and to the floor.

"I'm gay," he said quietly.

Part of him hoped that Cisco didn't hear so he could take it back. But at the same time hoped he had heard so he didn't need to say it again.

"Yeah?" Cisco asked, causing Barry to nod. "Okay."

"You don't hate me?" Barry asked after looking up and seeing a small smile on his face.

"Your like a brother to me. I love you man, nothings gonna change that."

Barry smiled, a real smile, before looking down again. "Thanks."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so late, writers block sucks. Hoping to maybe post another chapter this week. 
> 
> Leonard Snart might be showing up soon too.


End file.
